Aside

Last

That night I looked up a dozen more quotes to explain the way I felt
I had to validate my feelings to understand that I wasn’t alone

Everyone gets used in the complicated relationship status
There is a tiny space between friendship and relationship that feels a lot like walking on hot coals
Or being stuck between two walls closing in on you
Only my bones weren’t breaking
My soul was
That’s when I decided I love me more than I’d ever love the possibility of us

You will always be alive in my writing
But my feelings for you have died
I’ve tied up loose ends, I don’t want to pretend
This is not a through street
Welcome to the last poem about you
Take several seats

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Aside

Crash

I wrapped my heart for years with barbed wire

I cried and bled while protecting myself from the hurt,

But no one can destroy me better than I destroy me

I am the killer and I am the runner— Predator and prey

Self-sabotage

 

Maybe I’ll let myself be swallowed by a beast and see if I can cut myself out of its stomach

Maybe I’ll knowingly fall in love with you and watch as you ultimately choose someone else

It kills me…. but God what a thrill

Wanting you is like climbing to the top of the stairs only to throw myself back down them

Crashing to the floor

I learn a little bit more

 

I crashed into you and then fell apart

Then I thought maybe I just did it wrong, let me try running into you, walking into you, diving into you—

And maybe, just maybe, it won’t end in tragedy

Three hundred and four days, twelve hours , four minutes

Each day a puzzle piece

Where do I fit?

Each day a soliloquy to myself

“I am good enough” I say

But I don’t start to believe

So, I start over

Always starting over

Letting it all go

Only to pick up where I left off with you

 

Aside

Return

So, this is what staying looks like
This is what healing looks like
You get to see people turn on you
You get to see people leave
Then you get to watch them come back
Forgive and make amends

This is what love is like—-
Unconditional
No matter how dirty it gets
Your heart always returns to where it belongs
They tear you apart and you find what’s inside your chest
Nothing but heart and pure energy
Neither created or destroyed
You will never be the same again

Aside

Wildfire

The destruction caused by the wildfires in Southern California, the place I call home, are horrible. I am deeply saddened by all the destruction I see, and the ashes left behind of people’s homes, workplaces, etc.

It is almost a testament to how temporary things can be in this life. What is important is that we love and care for people, cherishing them above tangible material items. A house does not make a home. It is the people in it that do.

In my writing I have a tendency to compare life circumstances and people to natural disasters, because while they can cause so much destruction and ruin everything, they can also be beautiful learning experiences that we build from. We start over and over again from nothing and we continue to build, learn, and grow. What is more human than that? What is more beautiful?

 

Here is my short poem wildfire that reminds me of someone I used to know. Enjoy. Comment. Like. Subscribe.

 

Smoke fills the sky

Clogging my lungs

Blackening my heart

 I rummage through the destruction

Your name is written in embers underneath the ashes

You’re so beautiful as you burn straight through me

Ravaging all I have left