Excerpt from a Story #2.5

The city lights reflected in my vanity mirror as the night dragged on. I sat there sipping my champagne that I shouldn’t have been drinking since I was supposed to be 5 months sober. I didn’t care about things like that back then. I was a selfish woman. I deserved to be. I looked at myself in the mirror; my eyes were smeared in black eyeliner and my mascara was streaked down my cheeks. I was amazed at how ugly I looked, when just a few hours before I was the most beautiful girl at the cocktail party. But that is how fast life changes. I was the girl who guys wanted to date, and who girls wanted to be. I loved my position in life. There was no one else I’d rather be, until this very moment that changed everything. That was last summer. The night that forever changed me. I’d like to go on the record by saying I am still extremely fabulous, just not in the same vain way I was before.

That hot summer night, after staring at myself for what seemed like decades, I tore my elegant green mermaid style dress off and threw it in a heap on the floor along with the pearls and diamond necklace that bastard had given me. I stood there in nothing but my strapless bra, black lace thong and Christian Louboutin stilettos. I studied myself in the stand alone mirror for a moment admiring my thin figure and toned bum. I loved my body while hating the person inside of it. I turned away quickly and ran into the bathroom to draw myself a hot bubble bath. I watched the steam rise as the Jacuzzi tub began to fill.


The air in the bathroom filled with a strong lavender vanilla scent that calmed me. It is probably one of the main reasons why I didn’t hear him enter into the room behind me. I turned my head to look over my shoulder for a second before his fist hit my face. I wish I could say that he stopped after that one punch, but he didn’t. His fists pounded into my face crushing bone until I blacked out unconscious. I had done things in the past to make men mad. I had been slapped and pushed a couple of times, but I had always gotten up and defended myself, stopping further abuse. The slaps and pushes were no big deal I could handle it, but this beating changed my life forever.



We hideaway behind padlocked doors

Sleeping soundly in our beds

Saying a quiet prayer at night to clear our worrisome heads

We plea with God to not let the cruelty reach us

But it is already beneath our skin


This is the way it is

This is the world we live in

This wonderful place, overflowing with sin

Sin, that seeps into the crevices of our souls

Breathing with us every breath


We hideaway behind our houses, cars, and clothes

Consuming at twice the rate we should

Buying, and buying just to make ourselves feel good

Needs are met and our wants never end

We hideaway behind a smile covered in makeup

When will we wake up

We only see a limited perception of what our masks allow

How do we not realize we are cast in a show?


This is the way it is.

We hide from the evil we know

We fear the murderers, rapists, terrorists, and thieves

Pointing our fingers

Spewing our judgements

What if I told you the enemy is within,

And the people you hide from are your friends?


The Circus

Welcome to the circus

Welcome to the freak show

Come and play

You don’t know what you’re missing

Prepare to entertain

I promise just one game

If you impress, you’ll get your 15 minutes of fame

Capture their hearts and you’ll reach their pockets


Welcome to the circus

All fun and games

You’re a special one

You’re not the same

Show the world your tricks

Come on– just for kicks


I’ll paint you on a face

Just clown around for a little bit

The ringleader would be happy

I assure you, he’ll be pleased

Stop being such a tease


Welcome to the circus

I’m no fortune teller and I don’t want to sound mean

But your circus sounds a lot like dating in 2016

Behold the bearded woman and the strongest man alive!

Here are your contenders

They are all a part of the show!

They can be your puppets

Pull on all their strings

But don’t awaken the lion

He does horrid things


Welcome to the circus,

Welcome to love….what a joke.