I have realized a few things about myself. The biggest thing I’ve realized is that I run from writing. I love it, but I run from it like it is a murderer chasing me with a knife.
I always have good ideas but it’s like I can’t formulate them to ever be as good on paper as they are in my head. And then there is also that pesky word why, why, why. Why am I doing this? Who am I doing it for? Also, why do I choose to think about this at two o’clock in the morning?
Those questions do not have answers and I have stopped trying to look for them. I have stopped making excuses about my busy schedule with full-time work and full-time schooling to get my degree in, of all things, creative writing. I have realized that it is not just enough to write when I have to, like when I am turning in a short story assignment to school, or writing a boring email at work.
I started this blog two years ago and have wanted to quit at least thirty times because I tell myself that I don’t have time and that my words don’t make a difference, but somehow I prove myself wrong every time, and thank God I do. All it takes is one comment or one like on a post for me to want to stay here and continue practicing my chosen craft, the thing I love to do most in this world. As long as the words in my head swirl around tugging at my brain begging to be let out, I will write, and I figure why not do it here publicly to complete strangers who may agree with me or think I’m a total fool.
I have noticed that people tend to view my blog more often when I post more frequently, so I will publish one more post, and then another, and then another…and what comes next, well I have no clue, but giving up writing is not an option. Once I realized that, I stopped running from the terror that writing brings me and I decided to only accept the joy.
Oh and I will try not post in the middle of the night for those of you who actually like to sleep.