Don’t tell me you miss me. Tell me you read every one of my words while you were away. Tell me you found yourself there in the tiny spaces of the letters. Let me know how much they wounded you after you realized the truth about us. The only way to get through is to read between the lines. Because I’ve hidden away my heart for protection and it’s up to you to seek the treasure you wish to find. I’m done trading my worth for your lies. Go count your mistakes with your eyes closed. I’ll go hide and you seek, don’t peek.
“How could you just forget about me?” He said
“I kept telling myself you didn’t care and that you weren’t going to come back for me.”
“But that’s not true, I’m here now.” He said with a hint of desperation in his voice.
“Yes, you are. But as the months passed one by one, I never heard from you–not by phone, text, email, or even a letter.”
“I figured if one of my feelings of doubt was interrupted by your interference then you must love me, you must want me. But you never interfered so I chose to let you go the only way I knew how. I chose to believe that you once cared but I wasn’t enough for you to chase beyond your convenience.”
His eyes widened, and his mouth thinned into a straight line, but he said nothing.
I wasn’t sure why he came back to me every time, to someone he didn’t love, but now I realized that he came back to take what I had given him. The very love he lacked. He’d take my love with him time and again only to leave, perhaps to give it away to someone else he thought deserved it more.
I made a paper crane out of snow
The paper crane could fly anywhere
But it would always return to the same spot above my head
Raining its anxieties on me
My feet are cinderblocks because I like the drops falling on me
I don’t dance in the storm though, I just get wet
The coldness of the ice freezes my heart numb
Numb—the absence of feeling
Somehow, I feel nothing and it is everything
If my heart is frozen then the blood in my veins is made of lava
And my mind is volcanic ash blown away in the wind
No, I can’t live stuck to the ground
But I still can’t move because my roots are planted here
I let the paper crane fly to bring back pieces of the world to where I stay
I am a divine collector of all things broken
I collected you
You whose words are liquid nitrogen
Familiar as where I sleep each night
It’s all messy, right? Here in the desolate arctic hollows of my heart?
You are the only broken thing I let the paper crane return
With you gone the snow turns to fire and I burn,
He is my total eclipse. He darkens my world a little bit more casting a shadow over my fiery heart. I become hollow and empty underneath the magnificence of his ominous glow. Even though I may go blind, I just can’t stop staring.
Perhaps the saddest, sadness in the world isn’t being sad. Perhaps the saddest feeling in the world is the quiet lonely room in one’s heart, that is no longer surprised by the sadistic evils that pervert the purest things in this world like love. The saddest sadness is not in the feeling, it is in the accepting. Accepting that you can see the good in people who do things that make your nightmares seem insignificant in comparison. It is in accepting the fact that you cannot love people into changing into a better person. The saddest sadness is knowing that everyone can love and be loved in return, but many will choose to cling to the hate anyway.
Life does not seek to devour us. Life seeks to be lived, no matter what mountain there is to climb, no matter what knives stab us, no matter what humans hurt us. What is sad is also triumphant when we make the decision to move forward slaying our demons, but also loving our neighbors without reason.
Summer used to be her favorite season. She loved the way the rays of light glistened off of her golden skin. The smell of the salty air and the way the days went on forever made her feel electric. But soon every summer day reminded her of missing him. The sun never felt the same, she didn’t feel warmth, she felt burned. And now she counted down the days to autumn when transformation occurred as the leaves changed and the sky darkened. She hoped that with the next season she too could be transformed to the person she was, before him. All she really wanted was a new beginning—a chance to shed the pain, the way trees shed their leaves in October.
Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight as she told him she loved him for the very first time. Her eyes were the camera that captured his heart and soul the first time she blinked in his direction. The sky was clear and free of clouds as the big dipper sat above their heads, deep humidity caused her cheeks to glow like diamonds. She was the beginning and everything in between. He could tell she was unsure if he loved her back. Sure, he was no shower of emotions, but all his time was spent with her, or thinking about her. She had to know that, and he had committed his life to making sure she knew. He couldn’t tell her with words because he knew they would never even be a fraction of enough. He danced with her, kissed her, and held her hand like it was the missing piece of a puzzle that only fit with his. Now she’s gone, and he wished that the big dipper scooped them up from the ground that night, just the two of them floating amongst the stars, stuck in an infinite moment of love that time could never tear apart.