Don’t tell me you miss me. Tell me you read every one of my words while you were away. Tell me you found yourself there in the tiny spaces of the letters. Let me know how much they wounded you after you realized the truth about us. The only way to get through is to read between the lines. Because I’ve hidden away my heart for protection and it’s up to you to seek the treasure you wish to find. I’m done trading my worth for your lies. Go count your mistakes with your eyes closed. I’ll go hide and you seek, don’t peek.
I am a balloon filled with confetti
The air is you
The confetti is my personal collection of feelings—
Hidden in this balloon
I just want to explode
To be torn open,
Rain down all I have
But I keep it together
I keep floating in the sky
Waiting for you to grab the string and pull me down from this high
I stay here full of hot air and scraps of paper
Pretending to be beautiful on my own
Being taken with your wind no matter which direction
There is nothing beautiful about colorful secrets and candy coated lies
Maybe the rest of the world deserves to see me
Waiting and patience have voided like the coupons that sit in my drawer
Or the days I’ve counted that turned into years
No words spoken, only moments felt
But my goodness I still need you so I can breathe
Her body is buried in your backyard
The dirt is caked under your fingernails
Your hands, razor blade sharp, held her heart
Blood still stains your incapable hands.
You owned her body while starving her soul,
Willfully ignoring her heart,
Abusing her fragile mind.
The bones cry out from the earth haunting you.
You murdered her word by word–
Kiss by kiss
You couldn’t get enough of this pain you inflicted.
Call it wicked.
The good girl is dead.
When it rains, the drops absorb into my skin
Each drop, a tear cried from the sky
An indigo bubble forms over my heart
Indigo like the color of the night sky after a hurricane that I caused
Each storm I brew, self-destruction
Indigo Christmas lights strung across my body
Indigo flowers lain in a circle around my head
As if I had a choice but to be anything but a shade of blue rainbow
Wasted ink of my pen
That bleeds the color of my soul onto paper
The indigo visionary is me, who doesn’t know how to just be
The shade doesn’t know if it is purple or blue
Me, a girl who doesn’t know whether to stay or go
Always too high, or too low.
“How could you just forget about me?” He said
“I kept telling myself you didn’t care and that you weren’t going to come back for me.”
“But that’s not true, I’m here now.” He said with a hint of desperation in his voice.
“Yes, you are. But as the months passed one by one, I never heard from you–not by phone, text, email, or even a letter.”
“I figured if one of my feelings of doubt was interrupted by your interference then you must love me, you must want me. But you never interfered so I chose to let you go the only way I knew how. I chose to believe that you once cared but I wasn’t enough for you to chase beyond your convenience.”
His eyes widened, and his mouth thinned into a straight line, but he said nothing.
I wasn’t sure why he came back to me every time, to someone he didn’t love, but now I realized that he came back to take what I had given him. The very love he lacked. He’d take my love with him time and again only to leave, perhaps to give it away to someone else he thought deserved it more.
I made a paper crane out of snow
The paper crane could fly anywhere
But it would always return to the same spot above my head
Raining its anxieties on me
My feet are cinderblocks because I like the drops falling on me
I don’t dance in the storm though, I just get wet
The coldness of the ice freezes my heart numb
Numb—the absence of feeling
Somehow, I feel nothing and it is everything
If my heart is frozen then the blood in my veins is made of lava
And my mind is volcanic ash blown away in the wind
No, I can’t live stuck to the ground
But I still can’t move because my roots are planted here
I let the paper crane fly to bring back pieces of the world to where I stay
I am a divine collector of all things broken
I collected you
You whose words are liquid nitrogen
Familiar as where I sleep each night
It’s all messy, right? Here in the desolate arctic hollows of my heart?
You are the only broken thing I let the paper crane return
With you gone the snow turns to fire and I burn,
He is my total eclipse. He darkens my world a little bit more casting a shadow over my fiery heart. I become hollow and empty underneath the magnificence of his ominous glow. Even though I may go blind, I just can’t stop staring.