Aside

Fall Apart

You thought you were a rock, but you were in a billion pieces after you fell apart. Like particles of sand collectively gathered together by the ocean, people only saw you as the beach.

Perhaps, you needed to fall apart to realize that you never needed anyone to keep you together in the first place.

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Aside

Wildfire

The destruction caused by the wildfires in Southern California, the place I call home, are horrible. I am deeply saddened by all the destruction I see, and the ashes left behind of people’s homes, workplaces, etc.

It is almost a testament to how temporary things can be in this life. What is important is that we love and care for people, cherishing them above tangible material items. A house does not make a home. It is the people in it that do.

In my writing I have a tendency to compare life circumstances and people to natural disasters, because while they can cause so much destruction and ruin everything, they can also be beautiful learning experiences that we build from. We start over and over again from nothing and we continue to build, learn, and grow. What is more human than that? What is more beautiful?

 

Here is my short poem wildfire that reminds me of someone I used to know. Enjoy. Comment. Like. Subscribe.

 

Smoke fills the sky

Clogging my lungs

Blackening my heart

 I rummage through the destruction

Your name is written in embers underneath the ashes

You’re so beautiful as you burn straight through me

Ravaging all I have left

 

 

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December

I hate waking up when it’s cold
Isn’t everything cold when you’re alone?
The silence
The way you freeze your heart—
So, it won’t tell your brain to think about me

Freezing emotions is much like freezing a body of water
Not every part of the lake is solid
People can still fall in the cracks
Trapped under the ice
Never to come out

Winter reminds me of your eyes
And how inevitably everything dies
Only to grow again in spring
Maybe your coldness isn’t real
Just the absence of warmth
You’ve rotated too far away from the sun

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Confetti

I am a balloon filled with confetti
The air is you
The confetti is my personal collection of feelings—
Hidden in this balloon
I just want to explode
To be torn open,
Rain down all I have
But I keep it together
I keep floating in the sky
Waiting for you to grab the string and pull me down from this high

I stay here full of hot air and scraps of paper
Pretending to be beautiful on my own
Being taken with your wind no matter which direction
There is nothing beautiful about colorful secrets and candy coated lies

Maybe the rest of the world deserves to see me
Waiting and patience have voided like the coupons that sit in my drawer
Useless
Or the days I’ve counted that turned into years
Wasted
No words spoken, only moments felt
But my goodness I still need you so I can breathe

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Indigo

When it rains, the drops absorb into my skin

Each drop, a tear cried from the sky

An indigo bubble forms over my heart

 

Indigo like the color of the night sky after a hurricane that I caused

Each storm I brew, self-destruction

Indigo Christmas lights strung across my body

Indigo flowers lain in a circle around my head

 

As if I had a choice but to be anything but a shade of blue rainbow

Wasted ink of my pen

That bleeds the color of my soul onto paper

The indigo visionary is me, who doesn’t know how to just be

 

The shade doesn’t know if it is purple or blue

Me, a girl who doesn’t know whether to stay or go

Always too high, or too low.

 

 

 

 

 

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Paper Crane

I made a paper crane out of snow

The paper crane could fly anywhere

But it would always return to the same spot above my head

Raining its anxieties on me

 

My feet are cinderblocks because I like the drops falling on me

I don’t dance in the storm though, I just get wet

The coldness of the ice freezes my heart numb

Numb—the absence of feeling

Somehow, I feel nothing and it is everything

 

If my heart is frozen then the blood in my veins is made of lava

And my mind is volcanic ash blown away in the wind

No, I can’t live stuck to the ground

But I still can’t move because my roots are planted here

I let the paper crane fly to bring back pieces of the world to where I stay

 

I am a divine collector of all things broken

I collected you

You whose words are liquid nitrogen

Familiar as where I sleep each night

It’s all messy, right? Here in the desolate arctic hollows of my heart?

You are the only broken thing I let the paper crane return

With you gone the snow turns to fire and I burn,

I burn.

Aside

Ocean

People always equate helplessness to drowning
Not in a puddle or a pool
But in a universe of salty water
Waves ravenously swallow you whole as though you were never there at all
It’s the undertow of life we get stuck in
Drowning endlessly as the sun shimmers off of the blue water
The world continues to breath and rotate in the way it always has
Fire cannot accurately explain the way it feels to be okay with fading away
Maybe I am the ocean
And life is me