Aside

Hide & Seek

Don’t tell me you miss me. Tell me you read every one of my words while you were away. Tell me you found yourself there in the tiny spaces of the letters. Let me know how much they wounded you after you realized the truth about us. The only way to get through is to read between the lines. Because I’ve hidden away my heart for protection and it’s up to you to seek the treasure you wish to find. I’m done trading my worth for your lies. Go count your mistakes with your eyes closed. I’ll go hide and you seek, don’t peek.

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Aside

Confetti

I am a balloon filled with confetti
The air is you
The confetti is my personal collection of feelings—
Hidden in this balloon
I just want to explode
To be torn open,
Rain down all I have
But I keep it together
I keep floating in the sky
Waiting for you to grab the string and pull me down from this high

I stay here full of hot air and scraps of paper
Pretending to be beautiful on my own
Being taken with your wind no matter which direction
There is nothing beautiful about colorful secrets and candy coated lies

Maybe the rest of the world deserves to see me
Waiting and patience have voided like the coupons that sit in my drawer
Useless
Or the days I’ve counted that turned into years
Wasted
No words spoken, only moments felt
But my goodness I still need you so I can breathe

Aside

Merry-go-round

You were all my merry-go-round; different animals stuck to the ground taking me for a ride that ultimately always left me in the same place. I am nowhere now, dizzy and confused. For some reason I can’t help but decide to get back on and take another ride. It’s like my life isn’t full and my heart is not complete until I’m stabbed one more time with the certainty of a most unpleasant goodbye. Take me around and around where my feet won’t touch the ground.

Aside

Invisible

There is a girl who prefers to be invisible

She is perplexed by the pain of breaking over and over again

The liquid poured out of her cracks in rivers that flooded her room

An empty space in her mind that time couldn’t measure and fake love could never fill

Outside was too overwhelming

Every person she met was a black hole

They weaved their masks with all the same smiles adorned across their scarecrow mouths

 

She is an invisible observer

Such a broken individual who toils all day long to try and squeeze out of this translucent body that is but a mere carrying case for her fragile heart

Through her ocean eyes of depth I saw the fire

As the whole world burns hoping to be seen, she prefers to be invisible

Shrinking further back into herself before they strip all the clothes from her back and take all the love they lack

How could they ruin her if they can’t see her?

 

There’s a girl who prefers to be invisible

She hides in the shadows, and gets lost in the crowds

She is afraid that someday someone might actually see her and pull her closer to the warmth of the living sun

What will she do when all she’s hidden explodes into sparks that make firework explosions in the night sky?

There’s a girl that prefers to be invisible,

But because of him she steps into the light.

Aside

Red Door

They say depression is like a black hole
For me it’s more like a red door
Red like the stilletos in my closet
Or like the blood in my veins
Once the door is opened it’s a vortex
It sucks the real me in and leaves my skeleton behind to walk the streets..
To go to my job, to sleep in my bed

The door is always welcoming inside of me ready to swallow me whole
Its arms reach out for me in the darkness of my mind grabbing my wrists
Keeping my body captive
It’s not as painful as you think to be dragged through the threshold of the red door
Sometimes I am ready to run through the door and be captured by its beckoning arms
My body feels like it is on fire
And the only way to stop the burning is to jump head first through the door to the place where I feel at home
Isolated and alone
Nothing can reach me here and I don’t have to hurt anymore
It’s just done
And the depression has won

I am not afraid of the red door any longer
And I am not afraid of the pain of being alive
I’ve broken free again and again
There are bruises on my wrists and burns that scathe my flesh
I am still here intact and I will not be dragged back down to the comfort of being numb
Because when I turn around I see the glimmer of hope in the setting sun
And I’ll exist beyond the red door where I once fell
I will not go back to my private hell

The red door will still exist but so will I
Flesh, blood, bones and love

Ready for the massacre of a life well lived.

 

 

 

 

Aside

I present to you..Me

Here I present to you my everything
It’s not much I know
It’s all I have…
Well not really
I have these bullets
And I have these holes
I may have something sitting in my heart that weighs me down resembling the ash of coals
That’s not important because you have the diamonds
And you have seen the flowers in the garden of my soul
But you haven’t been pricked by the thorns

Here I present to you an image of me
Polished and pure; happy
Well not really…
I have these scars your eyes have not seen
And my light is bright
But you’ve not yet been burned
There’s an ocean of passion inside of me
Sometimes I drown in the waves
You’ve only seen me swim

Here I present to you the truth
Glass is less fragile than my love
And my body is made up of words like ink upon my skin

I’m difficult to take like a strong drink.