Aside

The saddest sadness

Perhaps the saddest, sadness in the world isn’t being sad. Perhaps the saddest feeling in the world is the quiet lonely room in one’s heart, that is no longer surprised by the sadistic evils that pervert the purest things in this world like love. The saddest sadness is not in the feeling, it is in the accepting. Accepting that you can see the good in people who do things that make your nightmares seem insignificant in comparison. It is in accepting the fact that you cannot love people into changing into a better person. The saddest sadness is knowing that everyone can love and be loved in return, but many will choose to cling to the hate anyway.
Life does not seek to devour us. Life seeks to be lived, no matter what mountain there is to climb, no matter what knives stab us, no matter what humans hurt us. What is sad is also triumphant when we make the decision to move forward slaying our demons, but also loving our neighbors without reason.

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Aside

An Adventure

One of them was a comfort zone, a home I could rely on, keeping me stuck to the ground while my mind floated away. But my goodness the other one was an adventure. With him I saw it all from the tops of the highest mountains. I didn’t want to grow within him, as him, I wanted to grow because of him. Flowers never bloom without the rays of the sun, and with him I dared to step outside of all I’ve ever known.

Aside

Wonderland

He always watched over her, silently– carefully. He couldn’t be with her now, and he couldn’t love her now. If he did then his body might explode and his head would be lost, because her eyes told of wonder and her body told of a long voyage he had yet to encounter.

He couldn’t love her, but he could watch her dance, and revel in her wide smile that hid a universe of words behind her teeth. He could drown forever in her wonderland, and wait for the perfect storm to dive right in. But only when the time was right, if it’d ever be.

Aside

Invisible

There is a girl who prefers to be invisible

She is perplexed by the pain of breaking over and over again

The liquid poured out of her cracks in rivers that flooded her room

An empty space in her mind that time couldn’t measure and fake love could never fill

Outside was too overwhelming

Every person she met was a black hole

They weaved their masks with all the same smiles adorned across their scarecrow mouths

 

She is an invisible observer

Such a broken individual who toils all day long to try and squeeze out of this translucent body that is but a mere carrying case for her fragile heart

Through her ocean eyes of depth I saw the fire

As the whole world burns hoping to be seen, she prefers to be invisible

Shrinking further back into herself before they strip all the clothes from her back and take all the love they lack

How could they ruin her if they can’t see her?

 

There’s a girl who prefers to be invisible

She hides in the shadows, and gets lost in the crowds

She is afraid that someday someone might actually see her and pull her closer to the warmth of the living sun

What will she do when all she’s hidden explodes into sparks that make firework explosions in the night sky?

There’s a girl that prefers to be invisible,

But because of him she steps into the light.

Aside

Not Always Pretty

I’m not sorry if you feel that it’s wrong that I am not always pretty
Excuse me if I don’t have time to dress to impress
I prefer flats over heels because I can’t take any more pain
I’m not perfect

You see I’m just so drained
Trying to chase who I am supposed to be
while everyone and everything around me is sucking me dry

I no longer have the energy to hide my face with lies                                                I’m stuck to the investment of my future
I sit on a triple weighted balance beam
My tired eyes aren’t what they seem.  Some days they are painted with a stroke of black,
Other days they are naked.
I am not going to try and fake it

I’m not always pretty
The sunlight doesn’t usually favor my unfavorable skin
I’m no sculpture that sits still looking nice
But take a stroll through my mind and you’ll see I’m art
Chaotic and colorful
Stuck together with pieces from different puzzles that don’t always fit
My heart is wild and my head races with my dreams
Don’t try and drag me down from this high
So what if my hair is a mess and I rushed from here to there, forgetting to zip up my dress?

Yes, I do try to be pretty
Pretty smart
Pretty strong
And pretty kind
For me pretty is redefined…

Aside

Lies of The Unrequited Love

This subject is one of my personal favorites. Why? Because it is the selfless universal truth of humanity that loving or crushing on someone who does not feel the same way as you sucks. Whether it’s a few weeks, a month, or years if you find yourself identifying with any of the lies below well you sir/ma’am have been cursed with an arrow that only struck you through your miserable heart. I am not here to make this better for you (it is simply not possible) or give you tips on how to get over it. My sole purpose is to provide you with humor and understanding during this horrible time in your life. You can make yourself a sappy playlist on Spotify and cry later. If you haven’t experienced this, well then this post isn’t for you and consider yourself to be extremely fortunate.

Welcome to the lies you have told yourself, or will be telling yourself….

Lie #1.) Maybe I’m in this situation because they don’t know how I feel

I’d let you get away with lie number one if you have never spent a considerable amount of time around the person you have hopelessly fallen for. If you have spent time around them, possibly even considering yourself “friends”, well then just know you have been lying to yourself. In your mind you may think you are aloof and cool about it, but everyone knows including your crush. They see you blink an extra time as you try and choke back the tears building up in your eyes as they talk to you about someone they like, or think is hot. They see you go out of your way to spend time with them or do them little favors. They know you want them, they just don’t care to want you back. You have been friendzoned. I like to say you’ve become somewhat of a meaningless doting accessory that often gets forgotten when not convenient. Like a sock that doesn’t have its match, or a lamp shade.

2.)Sure, we are friends

This is the one you tell yourself after you realize that there is an unspoken understanding between the two of you. That understanding is that you both know how you feel. This is the stage where you actually start to believe you are ok with being friends. Truth is that you enjoy being miserable and just don’t want said love out of your life. You might even been a tad bit masochistic by offering to set up your crush with someone else just to prove that you are purely their friend. Lie. Lies all over the place. Do you even know what is true anymore!?

3.) If we were together it wouldn’t work out anyway

This one might be my favorite. This one is comfort food for the weak who believe that it wouldn’t work out without having tried first. You may give yourself other small lies that umbrella under this lie. For example, I hate the way they do… , We have different goals.. , I’m not his/her type, I’m not good enough for him/her, if we got together and then broke up I would lose a friend. All of these thoughts would likely not even go through your head if they actually wanted you back. If they wanted to be in a relationship with you right now, I can guarantee you would dive head first into that relationship like it was a pool filled with carne asada tacos.

4.) Dropping hints

This one isn’t so much of a lie, it is an action. A half-truth if you will. This is the I am afraid to say anything directly because I know they don’t like me back but I am going to go fishing in the bathtub to satisfy my hopeless little heart. This is the one where you flirt with, possibly bumping them flirtatiously, or playfully brushing up against their hand while watching a movie on the couch, just to see how they react. They don’t move when you do this or seem repulsed by your flirting, but they also may not grab your hand either and hold it as if it’s theirs. This lie just makes everything more confusing. Now you feel mixed signals. Just because they flirted back does not mean they like you. People like attention, especially if you are decent-looking and giving them the time of day. They soak it up like sponges sometimes without realizing that you actually are doing it for more than just the attention. Don’t be this person. I’ve been this person. I hate this person. Be bold and go after what you want wholeheartedly and have your heart ripped into a billion tiny pieces. I promise you will live to tell the story…maybe.

5.) This new person is so much better for me

Ok so you finally decided to date someone else whilst still being friends with your “true love”. This person is probably good-looking and kind to you. They say the right things and give you an occasional laugh. This is all great, but if in the back of your mind you still wish you were hanging with your old crush then this means you aren’t over them and you are just squandering time with this new person. This person doesn’t care as much about your passions, and doesn’t get your quirky jokes. It is completely understandable because you had a comfort zone with your crush, maybe you still do. This one is perhaps the most cringe-worthy because you finally accept that no one will even come close to being like your unrequited love, and your heart aches, and you will sit here alone and watch them marry someone else. There are always cats!

I hope you enjoyed my not so humorous humor about being friendzoned. If this is you, get out as fast as you can. Fall in love with tacos instead. Tacos never disappoint.