Aside

Magic

“I’m a tragedy” she said.

“I have yet to see anything beautiful that isn’t. Your story provides meaning and you wear it on your face with a delicate smile.”

He continued “Anyone can see you’re magic.”

“People don’t believe in magic” she says staring blankly past him.

“I do.”

He took her body into his folding her into his chest.

She could have heard him say “I do” a million times and her stomach would still drop each time his low voice rumbled in the dark.

He wasn’t her everything. Every other moment for her was numb, but his presence made her feel everything. The wind against the tiny hairs on her arms, the coolness of her breath as she spoke into the late-December air. Her heart beating fast and steady in her chest.

She didn’t need him every second, every minute, or every hour. Their connection was enough to last throughout distance, long silences, and all other loves they had yet to encounter.

That was the beauty of them, they never knew how to stop, and they never knew how to start.

It was all so endless. The most beautiful infinity I had ever seen.

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Aside

Tonight

And tonight I don’t want to think about the millions of ways we could’ve been everything to each other. Tonight I want to figure out how I can be everything to myself, while you fall asleep thinking of her. Missing her. Tonight I don’t want to think of the alternate dimension where you choose me.

Tonight I will accept that I cannot hold onto ghosts present in this version of reality.

Aside

Natural Disaster

The ocean is my favorite natural disaster

Deep and calm

A massive body of water sitting in a bowl

Blue planet in space

 

Only the ocean isn’t a disaster until it meets wind

I wasn’t a disaster until I crashed into him

Sleeping giant hurricane

If the earth shifts and shakes—tsunami

Enough power to make the highest walls fall

Fifty feet tall before I fell destroying it all

If I am the ocean surely, he is the wind making my waves

Something inside me stirs when he is near

 

His wind turns me into a category four

Still I want more…I always want more

Until infinity and beyond

Evaporation to precipitation

Water cycle

Oxygen to CO²

Me and you

Always close but never together–

Disastrous weather

 

Love is my favorite natural disaster.

 

Aside

Addicted to Lies

I am addicted to lies.

When I say I am addicted,

I mean I will crush them up and snort them with a dollar bill

For me they are no hard pill to swallow–

Comfortable and warm 

Like being snuggled in a fluffy blanket during a blizzard

 

Your lies were my absolute favorite

Strong and potent

Magic dragon

Purple haze

Lies seeped into my bloodstream

Keeping me in the sky for days

 

I greeted the sun and it talked back while I sat on that cotton candy cloud

Hallucinations

One more hit as my heart melted out of my body

Two more hits as my brain cells start to die

Three hits and there’s no turning back

Tunnel vision

 

When I say I am addicted I mean I hate reality

White powder rain, poof as you disappeared—withdrawal

All I have is empty space, nothing to lace with

My drug of choice turned its back on me

Leaving me with a bitter taste—truth

I can’t fall asleep knowing your lies are getting her high

 

 

Aside

The saddest sadness

Perhaps the saddest, sadness in the world isn’t being sad. Perhaps the saddest feeling in the world is the quiet lonely room in one’s heart, that is no longer surprised by the sadistic evils that pervert the purest things in this world like love. The saddest sadness is not in the feeling, it is in the accepting. Accepting that you can see the good in people who do things that make your nightmares seem insignificant in comparison. It is in accepting the fact that you cannot love people into changing into a better person. The saddest sadness is knowing that everyone can love and be loved in return, but many will choose to cling to the hate anyway.
Life does not seek to devour us. Life seeks to be lived, no matter what mountain there is to climb, no matter what knives stab us, no matter what humans hurt us. What is sad is also triumphant when we make the decision to move forward slaying our demons, but also loving our neighbors without reason.

Aside

An Adventure

One of them was a comfort zone, a home I could rely on, keeping me stuck to the ground while my mind floated away. But my goodness the other one was an adventure. With him I saw it all from the tops of the highest mountains. I didn’t want to grow within him, as him, I wanted to grow because of him. Flowers never bloom without the rays of the sun, and with him I dared to step outside of all I’ve ever known.

Aside

Wonderland

He always watched over her, silently– carefully. He couldn’t be with her now, and he couldn’t love her now. If he did then his body might explode and his head would be lost, because her eyes told of wonder and her body told of a long voyage he had yet to encounter.

He couldn’t love her, but he could watch her dance, and revel in her wide smile that hid a universe of words behind her teeth. He could drown forever in her wonderland, and wait for the perfect storm to dive right in. But only when the time was right, if it’d ever be.