Aside

Confetti

I am a balloon filled with confetti
The air is you
The confetti is my personal collection of feelings—
Hidden in this balloon
I just want to explode
To be torn open,
Rain down all I have
But I keep it together
I keep floating in the sky
Waiting for you to grab the string and pull me down from this high

I stay here full of hot air and scraps of paper
Pretending to be beautiful on my own
Being taken with your wind no matter which direction
There is nothing beautiful about colorful secrets and candy coated lies

Maybe the rest of the world deserves to see me
Waiting and patience have voided like the coupons that sit in my drawer
Useless
Or the days I’ve counted that turned into years
Wasted
No words spoken, only moments felt
But my goodness I still need you so I can breathe

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Aside

Indigo

When it rains, the drops absorb into my skin

Each drop, a tear cried from the sky

An indigo bubble forms over my heart

 

Indigo like the color of the night sky after a hurricane that I caused

Each storm I brew, self-destruction

Indigo Christmas lights strung across my body

Indigo flowers lain in a circle around my head

 

As if I had a choice but to be anything but a shade of blue rainbow

Wasted ink of my pen

That bleeds the color of my soul onto paper

The indigo visionary is me, who doesn’t know how to just be

 

The shade doesn’t know if it is purple or blue

Me, a girl who doesn’t know whether to stay or go

Always too high, or too low.

 

 

 

 

 

Aside

October

Summer used to be her favorite season. She loved the way the rays of light glistened off of her golden skin. The smell of the salty air and the way the days went on forever made her feel electric. But soon every summer day reminded her of missing him. The sun never felt the same, she didn’t feel warmth, she felt burned. And now she counted down the days to autumn when transformation occurred as the leaves changed and the sky darkened. She hoped that with the next season she too could be transformed to the person she was, before him. All she really wanted was a new beginning—a chance to shed the pain, the way trees shed their leaves in October.

Aside

Invisible

There is a girl who prefers to be invisible

She is perplexed by the pain of breaking over and over again

The liquid poured out of her cracks in rivers that flooded her room

An empty space in her mind that time couldn’t measure and fake love could never fill

Outside was too overwhelming

Every person she met was a black hole

They weaved their masks with all the same smiles adorned across their scarecrow mouths

 

She is an invisible observer

Such a broken individual who toils all day long to try and squeeze out of this translucent body that is but a mere carrying case for her fragile heart

Through her ocean eyes of depth I saw the fire

As the whole world burns hoping to be seen, she prefers to be invisible

Shrinking further back into herself before they strip all the clothes from her back and take all the love they lack

How could they ruin her if they can’t see her?

 

There’s a girl who prefers to be invisible

She hides in the shadows, and gets lost in the crowds

She is afraid that someday someone might actually see her and pull her closer to the warmth of the living sun

What will she do when all she’s hidden explodes into sparks that make firework explosions in the night sky?

There’s a girl that prefers to be invisible,

But because of him she steps into the light.

Aside

Undone

My mind is made up of ribbons

My heart is tied with ropes

The years have worn on their edges causing them to fray

Untie the knots and let the ribbons fly

Undress my mind, pull it apart and see what you find

If you dare get close enough to touch

Maybe my eyes can’t see what’s in front of me

I looked too far into the future staring too closely at the sun

You have to exist somewhere

In the space between trees

Across the waves of the seven seas

There has to be you….there has to be the one that will make me come undone

Aside

One Thousand Blank Pages

One thousand blank pages, a bottle of champagne, and a pen

I measure my glass with thoughts of you

The cup overflows and I could never take enough sips to swallow it all

I trip and I fall forever

The floor below is covered in white

Blank pages of the words in my heart

Should I write one thousand letters?

A collection of useless emotions I throw up in ink

I’d rather sink in the bubbles of my drink,

Than think about the possibility of an unspoken goodbye

Tonight I’ll drown in my mind losing time

with one thousand blank pages, a bottle of champagne, and a pen.