Aside

Rose-Colored Glasses

The glasses are off

I am no longer blind

I saw the solution in your eyes

The moment you knew it was wrong

And kept me holding on

This game is chess

And I am not the queen

Only a pawn

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Aside

December

I hate waking up when it’s cold
Isn’t everything cold when you’re alone?
The silence
The way you freeze your heart—
So, it won’t tell your brain to think about me

Freezing emotions is much like freezing a body of water
Not every part of the lake is solid
People can still fall in the cracks
Trapped under the ice
Never to come out

Winter reminds me of your eyes
And how inevitably everything dies
Only to grow again in spring
Maybe your coldness isn’t real
Just the absence of warmth
You’ve rotated too far away from the sun

Aside

Addicted to Lies

I am addicted to lies.

When I say I am addicted,

I mean I will crush them up and snort them with a dollar bill

For me they are no hard pill to swallow–

Comfortable and warm 

Like being snuggled in a fluffy blanket during a blizzard

 

Your lies were my absolute favorite

Strong and potent

Magic dragon

Purple haze

Lies seeped into my bloodstream

Keeping me in the sky for days

 

I greeted the sun and it talked back while I sat on that cotton candy cloud

Hallucinations

One more hit as my heart melted out of my body

Two more hits as my brain cells start to die

Three hits and there’s no turning back

Tunnel vision

 

When I say I am addicted I mean I hate reality

White powder rain, poof as you disappeared—withdrawal

All I have is empty space, nothing to lace with

My drug of choice turned its back on me

Leaving me with a bitter taste—truth

I can’t fall asleep knowing your lies are getting her high

 

 

Aside

Hide & Seek

Don’t tell me you miss me. Tell me you read every one of my words while you were away. Tell me you found yourself there in the tiny spaces of the letters. Let me know how much they wounded you after you realized the truth about us. The only way to get through is to read between the lines. Because I’ve hidden away my heart for protection and it’s up to you to seek the treasure you wish to find. I’m done trading my worth for your lies. Go count your mistakes with your eyes closed. I’ll go hide and you seek, don’t peek.

Aside

Confetti

I am a balloon filled with confetti
The air is you
The confetti is my personal collection of feelings—
Hidden in this balloon
I just want to explode
To be torn open,
Rain down all I have
But I keep it together
I keep floating in the sky
Waiting for you to grab the string and pull me down from this high

I stay here full of hot air and scraps of paper
Pretending to be beautiful on my own
Being taken with your wind no matter which direction
There is nothing beautiful about colorful secrets and candy coated lies

Maybe the rest of the world deserves to see me
Waiting and patience have voided like the coupons that sit in my drawer
Useless
Or the days I’ve counted that turned into years
Wasted
No words spoken, only moments felt
But my goodness I still need you so I can breathe

Aside

Paper Crane

I made a paper crane out of snow

The paper crane could fly anywhere

But it would always return to the same spot above my head

Raining its anxieties on me

 

My feet are cinderblocks because I like the drops falling on me

I don’t dance in the storm though, I just get wet

The coldness of the ice freezes my heart numb

Numb—the absence of feeling

Somehow, I feel nothing and it is everything

 

If my heart is frozen then the blood in my veins is made of lava

And my mind is volcanic ash blown away in the wind

No, I can’t live stuck to the ground

But I still can’t move because my roots are planted here

I let the paper crane fly to bring back pieces of the world to where I stay

 

I am a divine collector of all things broken

I collected you

You whose words are liquid nitrogen

Familiar as where I sleep each night

It’s all messy, right? Here in the desolate arctic hollows of my heart?

You are the only broken thing I let the paper crane return

With you gone the snow turns to fire and I burn,

I burn.